Forgotten Hopes buried in your soul's lonely grave....

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Forgotten Hopes buried in your soul's lonely grave....

Below are the 11 most recent journal entries.



	2006.08.17 15.49 relieved but... lonely well... lets see.. yesterday was probably one of the more awsome days that i have ever had... I meet Alice,Katarina and mt(first alice and then the other came.. ) and stayed in Goodys for a while and then we went for a walk near Paralia.. later we went in Hadgen Daz's(i never could write it right.. ><) and ate ice cream and a lot of other.. "things"(katarina mentioned them in her diary before me lmao) it was awsome... ^^ anyways,i was at last relieved yesterday because i did the pregnancy test at last and the results were negative.. i got so relieved about that and i felt happier as ever.. for the first time heh.. and after that we went to my mom's office to make the photoshoot that alice wanted for her art project for next year.. that was actually fun.. heh she was trying to piss me off(while everybody knows how easily i get pissed off lol) so that she could make me angry enough to show it while she was taking photos of me..(she was trying to show the emotion of anger and hate,through the photos).. so she told me to bite my hand and show teeth oh well.. maybe i exaggerated a bit.. she loved it but next morning i had a bruise on my hand and i cant even touch the rest of it cause it hurts lmao anyways,i am feeling a bit "down" again.. dont know why.. maybe i miss my buddies.. heh i love them so much and i feel so good when i am with them. especially now that i have get more close to alice,as time passes we get more close to each other and thts really nice cause i reall care for her.. and i think tht she does too.. i hope so at least. I have to go to my grandma in a while.. i might also get some money for present for my nameday... Darkstalker continues to... stalk me.. gosh i have my personal stalker.. he is gonna haunt me to death.. what more can i ask for? i cant send him away cause i dont wanna hurt him more and i surely cant continue to talk to him cause.. i dont know. i am tired of listening to him saying all the time that he is gonna die if something happens to me.. or that he loves me so much but he is unhappy because he cant have me.. or any of these "Dramatic" craps. if he wanted to kill himself he would simply do it,he wouldnt send me a message full of craps just to make me worry ... i know that sometimes i am a full bitch but really i cant stand that anymore. ive had enough. i cant say anymore for today.. xxx Mood: relieved



	2006.08.13 14.18 Pierrot the clown.... well... i´ve been gone for a while from here.. i thought i should stop writing but now that almost all my friends are in livejournal i decided to continue writing here.. what the hell.. it should be fun. i am in a hotel right now with my parents.. we came here for vacation for a few days.. as usual the hotel is wht we call.. a 5 stars one.. one of those that the rich ones go..... and have fun and spent a hell of a money just in a few days.. gosh i hate them so much... All these rich people that think that they are "Special" or.. "somebody" just because they have money and an expensive car.. gosh.. how i would love to put their expensive cars and put them straight up to their asses... anyways my mood is not really good i suppose.. i tend to argue with my father lately for... everything.. he just gets on my nerves with whatever he does.. uhm yeah i guess its just me who is simply nuts here.. anyway. I think my boyfriend´s attitude has change lately.. i dont know why.. maybe he is too worried about my period.. he always asks me if my period has come,although he is sure tht.. he didnt cum while he was in me without protection.. he is still always worried. My period hasnt come yet and i am too worried too. At the start i told him that if i am pregnant i will simply kill myself,whatever that takes. i didnt want to be dramatic or anything like that. No that wasnt my purpose. I told him that to freak him out.. to be honest.. After some days i told him that either i^ll kill myself if i am pregnant or i will take some pills which cause abortion.. well i have to say that he didnt like any of these two ideas.. but i dont care anyways. I think that my boyfriend has really gone .. apathetic .. that he doesnt care anymore.. maybe he worries too much about the pregnancy issue that he simply cant think of anything else.. i dont know.. But while in the start he kept sending messages to me all the time and making unanswered calls... and stuff like tht.. now i am the only one complaining and sending to him messages all the time.. he doesnt seem to care anymore and the fact that he cant say "i wanna break up with u" .. that makes things even more difficult.. he has never said that phrase in a relationship. never. and from now on its up to me to realise that. to realise if he wants to be with me or not. i think i screwed things totally up... The only thing that i want now is to go back home.. to go out with my friends that i miss so much and to continue with my projects for school... i dont want to think anymore. I really dont want anything. I only want my period to come so that i can feel better again... Plus that my ex boyfriend is moving next week or smthng here in Thessaloniki(my town), somewhere near where my home is and.. oh god i really dont want things to be screwed up again. I only want to find my peace... and as for the title.. well if u have heard of the song Pierrot the clown well.. yeah maybe i am Pierrot the clown.. xxx Mood: worried



	2006.03.31 10.26 art exhibition today i feel so dissapointed with myself. and i am so determined abou it... u know today we had our history of arts class(like every friday) and before the teacher tell us to go out and draw something from the nature.. anything that we like,he took us all for a "conference"... he wanted to see if we are prepared for the art exhibition that we have next year... ok let me make an explanation for this first. my school is for internation bacallaurete(sorry for the misspelling.. ) and we start our lessons at the fifth grade of high school. and now for example out we are the IB1's ... so WE the IB1's that we chose the the visual arts as a subject,have to have a good art journal,a good grade in the visual arts and some final pieces to present in out art exhibition our last year of school at May. If we want to be accepted in an art college ofcourse... and hopefully get a scholarship too. anyway the thing is that... i put too much work to my art journal,this is why i have the best grade in our art class for it. but i dont have any final pieces.. i have only 7 and i need at least 50 until next year so that SOME of them will be selected to be presented to my exhibition,to our exhibition but to mine individually... so.. after this... little "conference" that we had,my worries became so.... BIG LARGE AND SCARY that.... i was almost going to cry and run away for my life!!!Y_Y i am probably the only IB1 art student that is worried for the art exhibition.... but i will fuck things up there because i have nothing to present! this exhibition will be seen my a hell of a lot teachers,children,students,parents and the most important of all CRITICS or how ever they call these snob guys who will come and see our exhibition and put our final grades for the course of visual arts... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH... i feel so disapointed with myself,SO FUCKED UP! i will gonna fuck things up in the exhibition and then none of the univercities that i have selected in ireland will accept me. i am just a fucked up loser >>>>.<<<< gosh.... wht does it matters if my art teacher says tht i am "talented" (although her opinion matters most of all for me) or that i do a really nice work or stuff like that??? I HAVE NOTHING TO PRESENT IN OUR EXHIBITION... i dont even need to try because i know that i will just fuck up the exhibition! i just wanna hide in a dark dark corner somewhere really really away from here and cry my eyes out. Mood: disappointed



	2006.03.17 22.33 rusted nails Empty... Empty inside... A carcass long ago eaten by the vultures. "Abused soul, you have nothing more to give, there is nothing more to be offered to the vultures. You have been long ago sucked from these tearful eyes. The world they made for you is nothing more but fragile lies, only the nails in your frozen coffin." Everything was given... All was eaten. Everything is lost. ------ this is a poem i wrote lately... it just came out of me.. of my shitty mood mostly... i hope u liked it this is my drawing of the In Flames cover that i was telling u about... i actually hope some day i will get to make a tattoo of this cover.. hopefully Mood: blah



	2006.03.07 14.20 In Flames hey!! well... first of all.. run to the record store and buy the new album of In Flames IMMEDIATELY!!! it rocks so fucking much.... its called Come Clarity and its AWSOME!!!!! lol yeah it is and i am not over reacting here!!! :P i also love the cover of the album.. and all the drawings inside the booklet.. i only saw the cover of the album and i loved it immediately... ofcourse the song are fucking great too... ^_^ i drew the cover of the album in my Journal of art and i drew it with pencil and then again with ink... ^_^ i will post the pics here tomorrow... i think they turned out pretty good.... In Flames fucking RULE .. \m/ heh... ^_^ Mood: good



	2006.02.16 11.28 seni seviyorum from hollow eyes tears burst that left eternal scars on her pale cheeks Silent is her mourning Nocturnal Loneliness... her isolated soul crucified on the cross of the Damned could it be more perfect? the portrait of her Pain is complete Mood: apathetic



	2006.02.14 10.48 cemeteries oh well HELLO. On saturday i went to a big cemetery which is near my grandma's home... i really loved it,although they don't take care of it so much... while they should. anyway i took some pictures for my Visual Arts journal of carved crossed and some roses which were near the tomb stones... anyway it was really really great... i will post some of the pics that i took here.. when i will be able.. i saw a great cross full of carved roses and lilies... it was carved for the grave of a 16 years old girl and her father... also i saw a great angel carved for the grave old a 21 years old boy.. anyway the thing is that i am really pissed off with these assholes who go to the cemeteries and leave garbages or destroy the graves!they brake the tomb stones or make graffitis there... FOR GOD'S SHAKE!! fuck... if someone deserves respect in this fucking world then these are the dead ones!! so get the hell out of their graves!! Mood: angry



	2006.01.28 19.32 death well... i don't have much to say today.. just because i don't feel much and i can't feel much.. Yesterday i talked at last to my boyfriend... always from msn messenger ofcourse.. i knew that his grandma had cancer and that he was taking care of her and was next to her... but he knew that she would die soon.. So,yesterday he was online again but not in his pc because his grandma needed him next to her(i guessed that because he wasn't talking so.. ) and after some hour he came and he told me that he couldn't stay more with me because his grandma died... just like tht i just felt really awful and i still feel like tht. But i am really glad that my friend was close to me at tht time because he made me laugh and forget all of these.. or else i don't know wht i would have done... i just talked to him some minutes before throught his best friend's msn(he was next to his best friend) and he only told me that he loves me and that it is oright that i can't be with him right now.. i guess he understands but.. i don't and i mean that i know that it's all my fault but anyway... i know that he was crying and it made me cry too... he cries and i cry.. he laughs and.. he makes me laugh too... i feel like a fucking love puppet... and he always holds the strings of my emotions... Mood: sad



	2006.01.24 12.18 SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW LOL Heeey!! :P it's fucking snowing here and the temperature is like... -7 or smthng lol and i ahve my mid term exams this week and the next.. i would really appreciate it if i had snow while i had my regular lessons and not my exams lol but.. ANYWAY! :P on saturday i went with my best friend on the concert of paradise lost and it was fucking GREAT! only i wish i new more songs of them lol... because from their last album i didn't know any! :P but i actually TOUCHED AARON'S HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL yeah maybe i am a little bit of wacko but.. I ACTUALLY TOUCHED HIM!!! After he had touched that fucking guitar and played so fucking GREAAAAAAAAAAT!!! ^_^ i am usually in a so fucked up mood but TODAY.. well today is something totally different... I am not feeling depressed,i am not sad,i am not feeling bad or anything... i am just... happy in a weird way.. well.. i am just happy in MY way !! ^_^ so i am just downloading videos clips and burn them in cds... ^_^ "If I cut off your arms and cut off your legs Would you still love me anyway? If you're bound and you're gagged, draped and displayed Would you still love me anyway? WHY DON'T U LOVE ME ANYWAY? LA LA LA LA " lol sorry maybe i am too cheerful today or just.. too NUTS ^_^ Mood: crazy



	2006.01.20 10.20 Frida Kahlo hello there... today we actually finished watching the movie of the life of Frida Kahlo in our history of art lesson! i found her.. work most impressive.I loved her pain,her work,her as a person. she had been hurted in her life in a lots of ways.i dont think that her moments of happiness where more than her painful moments... so here is she: and here are some of her works which i love.. : unfortunately i couldn't find this last one paint of her in a bigger picture.. it would be really nice if i actually could.. these are autobiographical portraits of her as most of her work.. all her works gave the message that we are all alone in pain.. just like that. beautiful huh? she is surely the most extraordinary artist... of most of all.. although ay artist from... da vinci to jackson pollock had their own... abused souls and minds.. or else.. they wouldn't have been the artists that they became... right? i will write about Frida in my art journal not only because our history of art teacher asked us to do it but because i really want to do it by myself. i will also search for the day of the dead in mexico.. "dia de los muertos.." ;) its a pretty cool occasion in mexico if u think about it! they celebrate for their beloved ones,for their dead! it is their day and they honor them with this celebration ^_^ they make even cookies in the shape of skeletons lol anyway.. i am just waiting for the day to go on... lots of things to do today.. and i have to buy and the concert ticket for tomorrow! ^_^ (i will go with my best friend to paradise lost.. don't ask me why!i am still wondering why i will go! :P ) just kidding! paradise lost are awsome but i have seen them already once(with my best friend again :P ) and i haven't bought their last album so i don't know the songs but... my best friend want me to go with him... so... !!! whatever he wants! ^_^ xxx Mood: gloomy



	2006.01.19 10.16 u perveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerts!! :P hmm... this is my first time here ... and the first time that i write smthng like this.. so here it goes! first.. i have to introduce my self i guess.. so i am 16.. i am an IB student and i want to be a photographer! i am obssesed with music... with drawing and sketching and with vampires.. lol i don't think that i have to say stuff about my character and so and so because... it will get soooooooo boring and stupid! ^_^ so.. hmm... today when i woke up my eyes were hurting me so fucking much... i slept at 01:00 last night and i woke up at 07:00 o'clock in the morning so i guess... it is kind of obvious why my eyes hurt lol another reason would be ofcourse that i spend most of the night reading Laurell K. Hamilton's novel Bloody Bones.. with Anita Blake.. well it's actually that if i start reading it i just can't let the book off my hands until i finish it whole! ofcouse i didn't finish it.. because i would be again like a fucking zombie today.. so.. i just let it off my hands and went to sleep.. i haven't much to say right now just 'cause i only had one lesson in school today (visual arts),only one hour and since then i didn't have another lesson! i have 2 full free periods so i just sat here in the computers and... got online! :P but it was a good start for my day i guess ^_^ i practiced my photography skills by taking some pictures of the arts works of another art student!our art teacher told me to take some pictures of his works so that he could print them later and stick them on his art journal! so i took the pictures and.. what a surprise! they came out really nice! ^_^ and i was so fucking glad! but ofcourse i still feel like a fucking zombie lol i guess i lost my brain somewhere in the way... ^_^ hmm... i don't even FEEL anything yet,i haven't eatten anything for breakfast(and i will not anyway lol ) and i am in front of the pc since 9 o'clock in the morning! i just COULDN'T feel better! :P ofcourse my stupid pervert friends play a porn kind of game and they are trying to make a dumb bitch have sex with them lol in the computer ofcourse only ^_^ :P these assholes.. <.< lol so these are for today i guess! lol their computer just restart by its own.. yupiii!! they didnt get to have sex with her :P so.. see ya until tomorrow!!! ^_^ Mood: numb